Review: Last Call

Last Call (2021) is an American comedy film. The screenplay was written by Paolo Pilladi and Greg Lingo, based on a story by Greg Lingo, Michael Baughan, and Billy Reilly. It was directed by Paolo Pilladi.

Darby Heights, presumably somewhere in Pennsylvania, is home to a tavern named The Bucket (I think), as well as its owners and patrons. On this particular day, non-prodigal son Mick (Jeremy Piven) has returned to Darby Heights to attend the funeral of his mother, who is lying in state inside The Bucket, the bar she owned in life. Behind the bar is the recently widowered Laurence (Jack McGee), who is also Mick’s father. The last to arrive, in handcuffs with a police escort, is Dougal (Zach McGowan), brother of Mick, and son of Laurence.

Dougal is the prodigal of the two sons. He is a hard-drinkin’, two-fisted, don’t-give-a-care, ne’er-do-well, who, under normal circumstances would be the low-down, dirty shame of the family. However, this is The Heights, so the REAL disappointment is Mick, who has flown the coop, and become rich and very successful in the real estate business. In addition to his family, Mick is also reunited with his old peer group, as well as his childhood sweetie, Ali (Taryn Manning).

When Mick returns to the fold, he finds out that not only is The Bucket facing foreclosure, but that Mom has bequeathed the watering hole to Mick. Mom finds the notion that Laurence can make the bar turn a profit to be highly dubious, and thus has put Mick in charge. Unfortunately for Mick, The Bucket isn’t the only piece of business he is on the hook to take care of while in The Heights. Mick’s boss Delvecchio (Garry Pastore) informs Mick that his upcoming casino project is about to fall through because he needs a certain number of signatures from the locals in order for the project to continue. Feeling chuffed and capable following receipt of a sales award, Mick convinces Delvecchio that he can get the residents of The Heights to sign the petition, even if it is in their worst interests.

He hasn’t been in town that long, and yet Mick now has a very full plate. First and foremost, he needs to collect enough signatures for Delvecchio’s casino project. Along the way Mick will need to mend his relationship with both his father and brother, save The Bucket from financial ruin, get Ali to fall in love with him, and most importantly, convince all of his friends that he hasn’t sold out, and is just as much of a boozed-up jerk-off as he always was.

The TL;DR for those of you trying to get straight to the meat here is that this film isn’t very good. It is a hackneyed retread of a very common story. Last Call is like if The Boondock Saints (Troy Duffy, 1999), and The Jerky Boys: The Movie (James Melkonian, 1995) got shitfaced at The Bucket and produced an illegitimate child as a consequence of their unholy union. An illegitimate child that is undeserving of the reputations of either one of its parents. You are better off with either of those films than you are with Last Call.

In fairness, not everything is bad about this movie. Really, almost everything except for the script is just fine. Jeremy Piven is as likable as ever. As he ages, he is developing a real Howard Morris-esque quality about himself that I, as a fan of Mr. Morris, find endearing. Taryn Manning is also just fine as Ali, and the two of them have good chemistry together. Ali is not nearly as compelling, nor wonderfully infuriating a character as Manning’s Pennsatucky from Orange is the New Black was, but Manning has still got the goods.

Among the motley crew that spends their days talking shit at The Bucket, are Coach (Bruce Dern), and Whitey (Jamie Kennedy). These two don’t really do anything to move the story along, they simply exist as texture within the bar. However Bruce Dern is damn near an icon theses days, and the man can do no wrong. He isn’t exactly the youngest dude in Hollywood, so cheers to anyone and everyone that gets him in another movie before he shuffles off this mortal coil.

Kennedy on the other hand has always been something of a polarizing guy. He has made some interesting choices throughout his career, but I have always enjoyed him and found him to be funny for the most part. I hadn’t seen him in anything in a while, so it was nice to see him again. For some reason I always thought he was much smaller in stature than he appeared to be in this film. Jack McGee and Cathy Moriarty, who plays Ali’s mom, Mrs. C, are also both quite delightful. Both of them are veteran actors, and they both bring a nice charm and earnestness to their roles. It was also nice to see Cheri Oteri again too!

Sadly, the rest of the gang of losers that populate The Bucket just aren’t that good. I couldn’t tell if it was the performance or the script, but I found Zach McGowan to be particularly repellent. Each and every time he was on screen, I got a little upset because I found his character to be ridiculous, and insufferable. And before you ask, I don’t think that it was an intentional insufferability on behalf of the writers. Unlike, let’s say OITNB’s Pennsatucky, who was purposefully written to get on our collective tits, McGowan just came across as naturally unlikable.

The biggest problem with this film was without a doubt the script. Among its many offenses is some of the worst expository dialogue I have ever heard. The clumsy, inarticulate way that we discover that The Bucket owes money to Delvecchio is embarrassing. The rift between Mick and Dougal is predictably cliché. The way Mick manages to overcome his challenges and rise above at the end of the film is preposterously easy. The script is just weak. Last Call acts like it is confident that it is doing things the right way, when in reality, it is amateurish, and nowhere near as funny as it would like you to think that it is.

There are also too many plot elements. It’s not that I had a problem following it, or that I am incapable of following a more complex plot. It’s that there was too much shit that Mick has to take care of for a light-hearted 90-ish minute comedy. He needs to save the bar, he needs to save Laurence’s boat, he needs to mend his relationship with his brother, he needs to get Ali to fall in love with him, he needs to tell his boss where to stick it, he needs to fix the shitty situation he gets The Heights embroiled in through his signature collecting… I found myself feeling overwhelmed, but not caring enough about anyone to bother with it.

It was perhaps the most significant of plot points that became the most unfortunate victim of this overstuffing: the ode to the local watering hole. The very end of the film, the bit that follows the conclusion of the narrative, so there are no real spoilers here, features dedications to a great many taverns and bars on the East Coast. Pennsylvania, I think, to be specific. The sentiment seems sincere, however, if the film was supposed to act as some sort of a love letter to the neighborhood drinking spots out there, it failed miserably at this goal. The bar seems like it is going to be the very heart and center of the film. However as each new plot thread gets introduced, The Bucket just sort of fades into the distance. Kind of a bummer, for if they had kept The Bucket as the main character, and focused less on the other, more timeworn elements of the story, they might’ve had a winner on their hands. Alas, this was not the case.

Here’s something else, and maybe this is just me. I don’t have friends like this at my local watering hole. Actually, I do have several watering holes. Sadly, none of them are local. Additionally, I have no friends at any of them. Come to think of it, I really don’t have any friends at all. Especially not ones like the ones Mick has at The Bucket. I also don’t have any that don’t act like Mick’s. I don’t have any friends at all. In fact, now that I’m allowing my thoughts to coalesce on paper here, I think the insinuation that, as a human being in this world, and one who enjoys social engagement, I deserve friends, is what angered me the most about this movie. Where are my drinkin’ buddies? In my imagination, that’s where they are. How dare Last Call taunt me with this ridiculous fantasy of having friends to drink and cavort with?!

Okay, you got me. My terminal virginity is not what prevented me from loving this movie. It was that the film was simply mediocre at best. The story is kind of all over the place. Too much setup, not enough real adversity, a dubious social situation, too many plot elements, not funny enough, etc. I did not hate Last Call. There were a bunch of things I laughed at, there were some real sweet moments, and there were some decent performances. Unfortunately, this story has been done too many times before and has been done better as well. It’s not bad enough to make you want to turn it off halfway through. However, it is not good enough to make you care to ever revisit it. This includes a situation where the power goes out somewhere in the middle. To paraphrase the Red Roof Inn Guy “the chances you will find the motivation to go back for the conclusion? Remote.”