Review: Our Friend

Our Friend (2021) is a family-centric drama, written by Brad Inglesby, and directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite.

Our Friend tells the story of the Teague family. Patriarch Matt (Casey Affleck) is a journalist and an author. His wife Nicole (Dakota Johnson) is the manager of a musical theater company. They live with their two children Molly (Isabella Kai) and Evie (Violet McGraw). Dane (Jason Segel) who is the mutual best friend of both Matt and Nicole, also lives with the family.

The film begins with Matt and Nicole discussing how to break some highly-sensitive, bad news to their daughters. Nicole is dying of cancer. The children are aware that their mother is ill, however Matt and Nicole have decided not to clue their kids in to how dire the situation really is until they can no longer hide Nicole’s physical decline from them.

As the film unfolds, we are told the story of Matt and Nicole’s relationship, their relationship with Dane, their family life, and their struggles in dealing with Nicole’s terminal illness. The film employs a non-linear mode of storytelling that jumps back and forth between the past and the present, filling the audience in on the pertinent details, in between scenes of the family handling Nicole’s advancing illness.

Central to the Teague family’s struggle is their relationship with Dane. Dane is a bit of a loser with a heart of gold. He has been unlucky in love and has struggled to find his path in life. However, as the best friend of both Matt and Nicole, he becomes a surrogate member of their immediate family, and an invaluable asset to all of them, as the Teague’s approach the inexorable finish line that looms ahead of them.

In case you hadn’t already surmised that Our Friend is a bit of a wrist-slasher, let me dispel any notion to the contrary. It absolutely is. I don’t mean to suggest that the film is bad by any means. Our Friend is not a bad film. However, it is definitely not a feel-good film. While there are moments of joy, celebration, and laughter sprinkled throughout, overall, Our Friend is a profoundly sad affair.

Often times when I watch a film, I think of other films that are similar in terms of story, or themes. Films that would make excellent double or triple features with whatever film I am watching. Our Friend was no exception. However, as I considered what movies I might pair with this one, I began to chastise myself because, why the fuck would I ever want a double-feature of films that are going to reduce me to a sobbing, blubbering mess?

Especially if I am watching the films with other people. I don’t get embarrassed when I cry during a film. It isn’t something that happens very often. And when it does, it is usually a pretty fair indicator of quality. It takes a lot to move me in that direction. So when a film does, there’s a real good chance that whatever film managed to push me over the edge, is one worthy of serious consideration.

That does not mean however, that I’m down to be crying like a baby in front of anyone else. Maybe my girlfriend, but that’s about it. So watching a film like Our Friend with other people is something I am usually hesitant to engage in. You may be more jaded than I, or you may not be the type that is moved to physical displays of emotion, despite being moved on the inside. However if you are the type to cry at a film, you are likely to do so during this film.

Films like this seem to be Casey Affleck’s bread and butter. While I am by no means familiar with his entire discography, I’ve seen enough to know that the appearance of Casey Affleck in the cast will forever be a red flag. Between this film, A Ghost Story (David Lowery, 2017), and Manchester by the Sea (Kenneth Lonergan, 2016), Casey Affleck’s name will forever be a proverbial yellow road sign, warning me of a perilous section of road up ahead. Warning: excessive crying next 90 minutes. Just to be clear, and to avoid misinterpretation, let me say that I have yet to see Affleck turn in a bad performance.

As far as the rest of the Our Friend cast, I must say they were all very good. Jason Segel in particular handled the heavy subject matter very well. I would not have pegged the guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Nicholas Stoller, 2008) or The Muppets (James Bobin, 2011) as someone who could handle this level of emotional heft. However, his performance in Our Friend is authentic and touching, and I was impressed with his work.

I can’t really opine on how accurate a portrayal of reality Our Friend is. Apparently it is based on a true story. Having not read the source material, assuming this is true, I definitely can’t say how faithful the film is to the original story. Additionally, having never been through a situation such as the one depicted in the film, I can’t address the films veracity, or possible lack thereof. However, it felt completely authentic to me. I likely wouldn’t have blubbered to the extent that I did had I smelled bullshit at any point during the film.

In fact, the film comes across as utterly realistic. At least for the most part. This authenticity was the driving force behind my emotional collapse towards the conclusion of the film. I kept hypothetically placing myself in the same situation as each of the characters and wondering how I would handle them. How would I react, what would I tell the kids, how could I let go of someone whose presences is the very foundation of my existence, could I ever pick up the pieces and move on. God forbid ever finding myself in Matt’s position. let alone Nicole’s.

But even if Our Friend wasn’t totally realistic, I really didn’t care too much because it really didn’t matter. What counted was that I was drawn deeply enough into the film that I was asking myself all of the same questions the characters in the film were forced to answer, only for me the tears ended when the film did. Something impossible for the characters themselves.

At no point did I find the film to be over-the-top when dealing with any of its subjects and/or themes. It was never maudlin, nor was it unrealistically optimistic. It came across as an honest portrayal of a family directly confronting mortality. It was frightening and depressing, but it felt honest.

I guess if I had any complaint about the film, other than that I typically don’t go in for a flick like this because I’m rarely in the mood to be reduced to a quivering, hysterical mass, it would be that while the film is titled Our Friend, Dane isn’t really the focus. By the conclusion, I didn’t feel like Dane’s story achieved the kind of resolution I felt like the title implied. Perhaps that was the point. I can’t say for sure. However, “Our Family” might have been a more apt title. Either way the film would be a success regardless.

Ultimately, it is hard for me to wholeheartedly recommend a film like this to anyone. I really am ill-equipped both emotionally and intellectually, to properly process a film as adult as this one. I spend pretty much all of my time trying to avoid situations in which I must confront issues that are far more trivial than those on display in Our Friend. Let alone those that are of a graver ilk. However, if you like films that are going to absolutely crush you, then I fully recommend this one. Our Friend is touching, heartfelt, well-acted, and at times, it is devastating.

If you are finding yourself in need of a good, hard cry, but your life is moving along swimmingly enough that it isn’t providing you with situations that elicit that kind of response on its own, give Our Friend a spin. It just might be the cure for what doesn’t ail ya.